"I've got some imperfections, but how can you collect them all and throw them in my face?"
How do you earn back trust after you've hurt someone so much they take every word you say like a grain of salt?
How can I have a best friend who no matter how badly I lie to her and hurt her, still stand by my side and let me know just how much I fucked up this time?
When does it stop? When do I stop craving this attention? When do I STOP trying to tear down everyone around me and just learn to live?
I'm so tired of living this way, and I WANT to be better, I WANT to fix it, I just don't know how to stop, I'm so afraid that I'm just a lost cause, and that scares the shit out of me...
So now, I have a whole week alone in Texas to think about this, my aunt and uncle are out of town going to Acapulco (lucky people), so I have a big empty house to dwell on all this shit going on.
Oh well, maybe some time away from everybody will do me some good.
Love?
About Me
- Cay Belle
- *I'm 20. *I go to CCCCD. *Proud Godmother. *Love my big family. *Most amazing friends ever.
2 comments:
you know...i get that way sometimes, and then i get real sad because i have time to think about all things wrong with me. but remember a change can only start from within, and you have to decide when and what to change! miss you
i hate when i do something wrong and i know it was wrong. And i know that it pissed off the people i did it to, because i cant do anything but think about how stupid i was for doing it and how everyone must hate me for it (ie- when i left show choir because i got pregnant and i just knew that everyone was pissed because they needed me, i didnt think anyone was going to talk to me ever again, specially Trey) i usually drive myself crazy thinking about how i could have done things differently but didnt. But then you just have to accept what you did, or you will drive yourself crazy, trust me.
As for the wedding, the set date IS Friday May 29th for the rehearsal dinner and Saturday May 30th for the wedding, even if i cant do it at the Hay House ill just pick a church. I already have one in mind too.
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